On a local radio show last week, Joe Buck, former Cardinal play-by-play guy and now lead sportscaster for FOX Sports, criticized the St. Louis Cardinals front office for their lack of commitment to improving the team. "I don't think they've done enough," Buck said. "They better get to work. They've got a lot of holes to fill."
The Cardinals need a closer, an upgrade at second base, a quality left-handed reliever, a starting pitcher, and an improved bench if they intend to improve on last year's fourth-place finish. The 2009 roster is worse so far because they've lost .317 hitter Aaron Miles and effective starter Braden Looper. They're counting on the feckless Adam Kennedy to play second base; Kennedy homers about as often as Isringhausen gets batters out 1-2-3 in the ninth. Oh yeah, speaking of that washed-up ragarm Izzy, the owner, Dollar Bill DeWitt, and GM, John "Moans-a-lot" Mozeliak, are actually in negotiations to bring Izzy back. On the cheap, of course. Nothing makes Cards fans wet themselves quicker than seeing Izzy trying to protect a 4-3 lead in the ninth. He blew about 55 games last year. It got so bad I started using the wordy "Izzy" as a verb to describe lots of stuff. When my wife and I babysit our one-year-old grandson, we each take turns changing him when he "Izzys" his diapers. If one of my pals on the golf course misses a six-inch putt, he "Izzys" it. And my granddaughter's tee-ball coach now just says to the girls, "Okay, 'Izzy' one," when he wants them to place a ball on a tee.
But back to the skinflint owner, Dollar Bill DeWallet, George W. Bush's good friend, has been suckering St. Louis baseball fans, aka the red sheep, for years. While pocketing the cash from three million yearly attendance, parking revenues, licensing, concessions, selling off the every last scrap from the old stadium (even urinals), he annually claims the Cardinals "just miss out or come in second" in bidding for free agents (see A.J. Burnett). Meanwhile the franchise's value has tripled since he bought it.
Buck added, "My season ticket check evidently cashed, because it came out of my bank account. So, I'm assuming they have people's money. And it's time they go spend some of it."