Sunday, July 26, 2015

Trump Is The Malignant Byproduct Of Republican Hate

Watching the orange-haired assassin, Donald Trump, is like eating pizza and ice cream. Great fun at the time, but I hate myself afterwards. It’s too indulgent, and it does me no good. But the temptation of seeing one Republican nutjob devour other Republican nutjobs, and then those nutjobs turn on the Donald, is sometimes irresistible. Right-wingers, who have for decades gotten away with taking reckless, unsubstantiated and mean-spirited potshots at everyone on the left, are now having to eat their own mudpies. And they have no one to blame but themselves.

Timothy Egan, contributing op-ed writer for the New York Times, succinctly explains why Trump’s toxic bombast is just an outgrowth of years of GOP hatred now turned inward:

“Trump is a byproduct of all the toxic elements Republicans have thrown into their brew over the last decade or so — from birtherism to race-based hatred of immigrants, from nihilists who shut down government to elected officials who shout ‘You lie!’ at their commander in chief.

“It was fine when all this crossing-of-the-line was directed at President Obama or other Democrats. But now that the ugliness is intramural, Trump has forced party leaders to decry something they have not only tolerated, but encouraged.

“Consider Trump’s swipe against McCain’s military service, and by extension all veterans who have been involved in the fog of combat. Republicans were apoplectic at Trump’s claim that McCain was no war hero.

“‘All of our veterans, particularly P.O.W.s, deserve our respect and admiration,’ said Jeb Bush. The Republican National Committee was quick to lay down a similar principle, saying, ‘There is no place in our country for comments that disparage those who have served honorably.’

“No place except a presidential campaign, that being the 2004 attempt to destroy the honorable Vietnam service of candidate John Kerry. Where was Bush’s ‘respect and admiration’ when his brother was benefiting from a multimillion-dollar smear of a Navy veteran with a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart?

“The wise men predicted Trump’s demise after he demeaned a former prisoner of war. But polls posted late this week showed Trump still in the lead. How can he get away with bashing combat veterans? Simple: The party he now wants to represent wrote the playbook on it.”

Someday, sooner rather than later, a real journalist will finally ask Trump a substantial question about foreign policy or corporate welfare or gun control or nuclear war with Iran, and he will be exposed for the bloviating charlatan that he is. The junk food binge will end, and I’ll have to return to a sensible diet of Hillary, Bernie and Elizabeth lambasting ruthless, greedy and corrupt extremists like Scott, Jeb and Marco. Until then, though, I can’t say I won’t snack on the empty calories of The Orange Orator taking down one of his fellow blowhards—maybe that fat guy from Jersey?

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Another Conversation With Those Cognitive-Dissonant Southern GOP Hillbillies, Bubba and Gomer

Last we checked, Gomer and Bubba were openly carrying AK-47s in a Wal-Mart just to intimidate innocent citizens. Since open carry is the law of the South, there is nothing law enforcement can do to stop them. Bubba followed a black couple around the store in case one of them picked up a water gun; he was ready to blast away and claim self-defense. Gomer discouraged shoppers from browsing the book aisle where copies of Hillary Clinton’s autobiography were prominently displayed.

I sat down to interview the pea-brained pair to gather their thoughts about the current state of the union.

BUBBA: ‘Merika’s goin’ to hell.

ME: Why’s that, Bubba?

BUBBA: Gotch your blacks all riled up over this Rebel flag bidness. Now they’s taking it down in South Carolina. The last great symbol of southern heritage. What a shame.

ME: It represents slavery, oppression and hatred to our African-American citizens.

BUBBA: Taint got nothing to do with ‘em.

GOMER: Yep. Why cain’t they just collect their food stamps and welfare checks and shut the hell up?

ME: According to a TIME magazine analysis of county-by-county food stamp enrollment data nationwide, GOP politicians represent more districts that participate in SNAP than Democrats. In fact, the county with the highest national rate of SNAP beneficiaries is Owsley County, Kentucky, which is 99.22% white and 95% Republican. Yet it’s Republicans who are always screaming about cutting welfare benefits of those who really need it.

GOMER: Time magazine is a comnist rag.

BUBBA: That reminds me, Gom, we get that SNAP check this week?

GOMER: Hey (changing the subject), what about that Obama trying to take our guns away. Damn uppity, nigra.

ME: Under Obama, gun ownership has increased, not decreased. And overall, background checks have become less restrictive. There are more guns and gun deaths than ever before in America.

BUBBA: Damn good thing…the more killin’ there is, the more freedom we have.

ME: How do you figure?

BUBBA: Y’all heard of ‘Stand Yer Ground’ ain’t ya? Well, that jes means that people ain’t puttin’ up with no shit from the coloreds. We’s got a right to fire back. Just read the Constitution.

ME: But doesn’t stand your ground conflict with open carry? If you intimidate innocent citizens with by openly carrying weapons in public places like parks, stores, restaurants and churches, don’t they have the right to stand their ground and shoot you because they feel threatened?

GOMER: (His small cerebellum twisted into knots.) That’s right…uh, er, I dunno. Iffin’ someone wants to fire at me…well, goddamn it, let ‘em. I got this here AK-47; let’s see if they’s gonna stand they ground then.

ME: So we should all carry guns to protect ourselves from people like you? Do you see how that might be a bit dangerous?

BUBBA: The hell you say. I’m beginning to think you’re one of them comnist agitators.

GOMER: (Pointing his gun at me.) Now whaddya have to say for yourself, pinko?

ME: Hooray for Mike Huckabee and the NRA? We’re officially living in the Old West again?

BUBBA: That’s more like it. Now let’s teach you sumpin about the Bible, commie.
[To be continued.]